thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

(via oh--careb)

sobersexting:

being an adult sucks cause when people ask you to hang out you cant be like “my mom said no” you just have to change your name and move away

(via oh--careb)

  • Me: It's soooo hot out.
  • Mom: Maybe you shouldn't wear black shirts all the time.
  • Me: What the fuck did you just say

straight boy: spending time with my bro! #nohomo #justfriends #justplatonicfriends #platonicmalefriends #nogaybusiness #wearenteventouching #satfivefeetapart #ilovechicks #notguys #onlyliketheladies #notgay #straightasaline #straighterthannedflanders #justabromance #butnotagayone #didialreadysaynohomo

(Source: overlypolitebisexual, via oh--careb)

elicrotch:

v0ciferation:

checks grades

*bastille voice* how am i gonna be an optimist about this

well if you close your eyes

(via oh--careb)

shavingryansprivates:

get a hold of yourself tropicana lemonade

sassykardashian:

my heart says yes but my bank balance says no

(Source: versacesquad, via oh--careb)

scanda-l:

Goalies make this world go around

(via oh--careb)

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